Wednesday 7 January 2015

#16 Saying No....Isn't Difficult

Hey, can you do this work for me? Yes! You reply….Let’s hang out buddy? Sure let’s go! You reply.

If you are a type of person who is afraid of saying NO, then this article is for you. Why denying somebody’s request with a simple NO is so difficult for someone? People think that if they will let down someone’s request, they will commit the biggest mistake. But facts state that most of the time the former person doesn't even care that we fulfill their request or not. As an example, if one of our friend/acquaintance is asking us to come with him/her and if we don’t want to go, the probability is high that he/she has invited other people too. So even if we do not accept their invitation, they won’t be alone and won’t mind our absence, exactly opposite to what we think. By not turning them down, we actually do nothing good to ourselves. We’re giving away our time (which not many people value), and if we turn out to not liking the company at the place, then God help us.

Why our inability of saying ‘NO’ harms us? If we actually jump to everyone’s request, chances are that we will not be able to find time for ourselves, and priorities of others’ life makes way in our to-do list. And that is not good at all. If we’re a frequent ‘YES’ person, let me rather call us a “Yes Man”, then needless to say that people start taking us for granted. No one likes that.

What if we want to spend some time alone doing something we love, but have to change our plan due to someone else’s request to do a work for them; we’ll surely do that, but may be half-heartedly and will feel guilty for the same at later point. Not to mention that somewhere deep down we’ll spoil our mood as well, as our plan was ruined.

Does saying ‘NO’ to anyone makes us a bad person? No, it doesn't. If we are a person who’s always ready to agree upon anyone’s request, at first it might estrange some of our friends, but if they really understand, they’ll come back to terms with us. And slowly, we’ll learn that it’s not so difficult to say ‘NO’ and that too without hurting others or feeling guilty for ourselves. Also, once we've control in our hands, our life’s priorities will have a top place in our list, giving us a good feeling. And that doesn't sound bad, right? Saying ‘NO’ applies to a casual dinner date to office life. In every sphere of life, being able to turn down some requests helps a lot in the long run. Saying “Yes” creates anxiety, stress and depression in extreme cases. Agreeing too often also can lead to overwork and exhaustion. Despite your best efforts, some people will continue to ask even after you've told ‘NO’. This kind of behavior is inappropriate and you shouldn't feel bad. Providing a reasonable explanation of why you're saying ‘NO’ always helps the other person in understanding your decision.

I don’t mean to say that every time, one should ignore others’ request. My point is that we need to prioritize what, when and for whom we can spend our time, making sure that we’re getting the full value of each moment. For example, if any of our friends is in genuine need, then of course one should take care of that first. Again the keyword is ‘priority’. It’s a well-known quote I remember that ‘Give Back to Others by Giving to Yourself First’, so we must give time to ourselves first. To be a “Yes Man” sometimes conveys that we lack our opinion. We must deny the requests made by others, if request will waste your precious time. Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you.

Remember, if you don’t do what you need to do first, you will end up on making a mockery of your priorities…..!!!!


- Rusheel Shukla and Prateek Dixit